I have me to turn to, I am my 'person'

All my life I have been looking for something that was within my grasp all along: validation. I have spent a great deal of time and energy seeking approval from others. I didn’t realise that the only person who needs to validate me is me. I have me to turn to and I had me all long. In Greys Anatomy Meredith questions who her ‘person’ is. For those who don’t watch the show she meant her ‘go to’, the one she can rely on no matter what. She was her person, she just didn’t realise it.

Sometimes I can be so calm when someone is telling me something provocative that I am met with a look or even have the story repeated to me assuming that perhaps I misheard, so small was my reaction. This was me pausing before responding, I just didn’t have the knowledge of mindfulness to understand myself.

In the past I would question myself, discarding my inner voice and making far too much room for other more dominant voices. I started to overreact to impress, to behave in a way that suited others, to fall in line.

Just like a mountain, I needed to learn to be myself at all times, unmoved by the weather patterns around me. “…seen or unseen, in sun or clouds, broiling or frigid, it just sits, being itself” (Jon Kabat Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are, p138).

Remaining still and comfortable in your own skin takes time and a lot of self acceptance (I believe for me this is a lifelong project). I find that a self compassion meditation followed by a mountain meditation really helps me. The self compassion meditation boosts love and kindness towards myself and the mountain meditation boosts my inner strength, self belief and equanimity. I use these meditations regularly to remind myself that I am enough, that I have me to turn to, that I am my ‘person’.

Running through the fog, not away from it

I went for a run this morning and the park was full of fog. I could only see a small path in front of me then I was right in the thick of it, running with fog all around me and no idea when it would clear. Then it did for a bit, a pocket of clarity came and I could see the road ahead for a short while. Then I was clouded in fog again. This kept happening.

Just like life itself, none of us know what the road ahead looks like. We just have to start running and wait for the path to clear, knowing that it will.

But also not getting too attached to the clear path when it turns up as at some point it will become foggy again. Learning to accept the ever changing ebb and flow of life.

With regular mindfulness practice we can approach these moments of clarity and unknown with patience, equanimity and acceptance. Understanding that a lot of life is uncertain but we have a choice as to how we approach it.

Running through the fog, not away from it.

How mindfulness helped to reduce my anxiety

Since discovering mindfulness I haven’t looked back, it has helped me immensely. My anxiety has reduced and I feel like a far more resilient human being.

Jon Kabat-Zinn (the founder of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programme) describes mindfulness as…

“…paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally”

But what does that really mean and what does it entail?

Do you ever feel like you’re merely existing? Drifting through life like a zombie or in a state of mild panic most of the time with endless chatter in your head? Essentially missing the important, beautiful things in life with a look in your eyes that says you’re not really engaged, not fully present?

I have felt that way many times in my life. Feeling like a scrap of myself getting through the day with my amygdala (fight or flight part of the brain) on constant alert ready for attack.

Mindfulness helped me to wake up to the present – actually noticing and truly experiencing what is around me. It has brought me a sense of calm and resilience helping me to cope with stress better.

It is essentially guided meditation with some serious backing by neuroscience.  This is why I am so passionate about it – it is not too ‘fluffy’ or ‘out there’ as some may think! Harvard professors are singing its praises and proving that mindfulness can actually reshape the brain. After an 8 week MBSR course participants’ brains were scanned with key parts increasing in size such as the hippocampus (responsible for learning, memory and emotional regulation) and the temporo-parietal junction (responsible for empathy and compassion). The best bit is the amygdala (emotional regulator – the fight or flight stress response) actually decreased in gray matter. Take a look at Dr Sara Larson on You Tube to find out more.

Before you say to yourself this isn’t for me…

Mindfulness is already sweeping into modern society in many fields. It is on the radar of the NHS, recommended to help with anxiety, mild depression and other common mental health problems and it is coming into education, law, business, sport, politics, technology and government. Some businesses use a form of mindfulness to start their day – a five minute meditation to focus the mind on the company’s true ambition before getting caught up in day to day challenges.

Clearly I am a big advocate of mindfulness as it has changed my life in more ways than I imagined. My relationships are stronger, my parenting is calmer, my outlook on life is more positive, my smile is genuine. I will continue to spread the word about this wonderful healing technique in the hope that others will consider it in the future.