Lockdown sucks. It is a pressure cooker situation…no wonder we all get angry from time to time. As teens you’re stuck at home for most of the day, only allowed out every now and then but heavily monitored. Layered on top of this a lot of you have to study whilst also getting along with everyone in the house, including your annoying sibling. And you can’t even meet up with your friends to let off steam…it is enough to make you want to explode at the world. To make it worse, some of you may also be experiencing extra tension in the house, tension in your home life that others may be unaware of.
Whatever you’re dealing with right now, mindfulness can help. Lockdown is one big emotional rollercoaster and it is important that you release your emotions in a healthy way. I have to release anger somehow otherwise it boils up inside of me and I explode into a rage. If I explode into a rage it only ends up hurting my loved ones and causes further pain for everyone. Instead I have to find a healthy outlet. One way I handle my anger is by tuning into my breathing. I recommend trying this exercise which allows you to breathe out tension healthily…
Mini breathing exercise for anger
Find a safe place where you can take a moment on your own to anchor yourself with your breathing. Speaking or acting when angry will only cause more suffering for you and those around you so to limit the potential damage choose to walk into a different space. This could be the bathroom, your bedroom, or perhaps the garden if you have one.
Start by paying attention to your breathing, noticing what is happening to your body on each in breath and each out breath. Do you feel it more in your tummy as it rises and falls? Do you feel it more in your nose as the breath flows through each nostril? Do you feel it more in your chest as it expands and contracts?
Try to see the in breath as an opportunity to take in more air or space and the out breath as a release, letting go of any tension you’re holding onto. Perhaps try Thich Nhat Hanh’s words*… ‘breathing in I am aware of my body, breathing out I release tension in my body.’ Repeat this over and over again until you feel the fire in your belly start to cool down. *Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk, teacher of mindfulness and author of many books including one on anger!
You may notice your shoulders start to drop or your jaw start to unclench or your tight chest loosening. This may take a while so be patient with yourself. Remember the key is to not speak or act when angry, instead wait until the anger has passed through you completely.
As you start to calm down you may become aware of hidden thoughts or feelings that were fuelling your anger. You may even find that there is an unmet need buried deep in amongst the flames which is finally showing itself. This is the time for acknowledgement and acceptance. Give yourself the time to digest what is going on, acknowledging and accepting everything that comes up. Use the breath to support you as you allow all body sensations and feelings to arise. Say to yourself ‘it is ok to feel like this.” Say this to yourself as many times as required.
As you accept a thought your body may unearth further feelings and sensations you may not have felt before. You may notice squeezing or knots in your stomach, tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, a faster heartbeat. Again say to yourself ‘it is ok to feel like this’. Say this to yourself as many times as you need to provide comfort and reassurance.
By accepting your true emotions and thoughts you can respond more skilfully to a situation rather than react quickly. You have cooled the flames of anger which allows you to see things from a more measured perspective, helping you to respond rather than react.
Tuning into your senses
Another way you can use mindfulness as a tool to simmer your anger is by tuning into your senses. Try paying attention to sounds around you that bring you comfort…perhaps opening a window so that you can hear the birds outside, the wind in the trees or the rain falling. If you tune into your senses you are connecting with the present moment which takes you off the anger treadmill. If you truly connect with the present you will not be living in the past replaying an argument in your head.
Another way you could tune into your senses is via taste. Perhaps you could try eating a comforting snack slowly to soothe you. Or maybe you could use sight by looking out of your window, paying attention to the trees or noticing the birds in the sky…or any other details that may calm you. For touch you could look around you and find something that soothes you such as a blanket or a pet you could stroke. Finally there is smell. You could take in the smells around you that comfort you…perhaps it is fresh cut grass, the smell of laundry or whatever else brings you comfort.
Mindful exercise
How about mindful exercise as another technique to cool down anger? By mindful exercise I mean paying attention to how your muscles feel as you tense and release during exercise. I find that when I run mindfully i.e. when I pay attention to how my thighs feel and connect with other body sensations I am tuning into the present moment. This helps me to notice if I’m replaying an argument in my head and instead allows me to release the tension healthily.
As you start to feel better you may be able to look at the situation differently. When we’re caught up in the flames of anger it is hard to see the bigger picture. Once the flames have died down you may have a different perspective. So check the facts. Use your rational part of the brain now that your anger has dissipated. Even if you still feel the same way, cooling down the flames will help to prepare you to communicate mindfully if you need to reconcile with someone.
We are in a pressure cooker situation and we all get angry from time to time. Be compassionate with yourself. This too shall pass.