You may find it hard to encourage your teenager to practice mindfulness. They seem to have an inbuilt sensor when mum or dad really wants them to do something and even a sniff of potential force can lead to greater resistance.

As many of us know from parenting advice, it is far more effective to role model how we would like our children to behave. So I encourage you to try practicing mindfulness yourself. After all, our children observe our behaviour. We can become acutely aware of this if they call us out when our actions don’t match our words. Asking our children to take a few breaths during moments of overwhelm when we don’t could be deemed hypocritical. Asking our children to practice meditation if we haven’t given it a try seems unfair and is unlikely to inspire change. So role-modeling is essential.

I recommend reading from the Introduction to Chapter 3 of my book, Resilient Teen to understand the basics of mindfulness and try a few formal practices. There are six meditations available to download, see page 14 for the download link. There may be one (or several) that resonate.

If you find formal meditation too tricky (you may struggle to keep still, even the Movement meditation may feel too slow for you), remember there is always the breath. The next time you feel overwhelmed, try tuning into your breathing to calm your nervous system. Every time you practice breathing exercises you are role-modeling the importance of self-regulation. You are showing your child how to respond calmly rather than react emotionally. The more often you practice connecting with your breath the better. If you try it during your next fall out with your child you will create a pause, allowing time to understand your child better and find the right words to express your feelings. It is important to allow room for your child to also find space to breathe. They may choose to walk away to create breathing space the next time there is a fall out so remember this may not be a power play.

If your child is keen to practice mindful meditation (internal high five!), here are some useful tips to support your child‘s practice…

Provide somewhere comfortable where they can relax and not be disturbed for 10-20 minutes. Often, teenagers like to practice in their bedrooms so ensure they have space for meditation. The ideal space to practice meditation is on the floor as there is a chance they may fall asleep on the bed. If they are exhausted and need a nap, feel free to use the bed and remember the body scan can help to calm the nervous system ready for sleep so if they drift off, it’s what the body needs.
Provide headphones if possible to avoid noise distraction. It can be frustrating when you’re trying to settle into a meditation but it’s too noisy in the house.
Provide a blanket as temperatures can drop during the practice and it can be hard to focus when we’re cold.
Provide a cushion for seated practice. If they’re in the bedroom a pillow can suffice.
Keep any siblings busy and ensure they don’t distract them during meditations. Can you pop a sign on the door or ask your child to write one?
Remember, five minutes of practice is better than nothing. After practice remember to pat them on the back and show positivity for taking the time to practice. There are so many distractions for adolescents these days so any intention to take time out to quieten the mind deserves a high five.
Consider practising alongside your child if they are happy to share the experience. It can be an opportunity to boost the parent-child bond. After practice, it can be chance to chat about any feelings that pop up if your child wants to. However, your child may also wish to experience this privately, allowing them to really lean into their feelings and thoughts without discussion.
If your child is keen to practice again it can be helpful to help them find a suitable time in the day to set up a regular practice. It could be the morning before school (often tricky for adolescents!), after school or into the evening. Or pick certain days for practice that work better for their schedule. Developing a routine can work wonders for your child as they will go to the mind gym regularly, topping up their resilience fuel tank.